dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize