Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
