i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
