i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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