Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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