these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't turn off my feet"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
