I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
