I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
