I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
