just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
