its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i think i just lost a toe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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