whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it's like iHOP with fire
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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