When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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