The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
