Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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