she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
