I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
