We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize