24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
