Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
