I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
