I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
