pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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