Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize