Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
