My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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