Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
