I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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