i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
