The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
