Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
