What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
