was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
