Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
