I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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