party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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