Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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