Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
