A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
