bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
