i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
