I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize