You're so nebulous sometimes
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
