Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I supernannyed him into submission
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
