I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
