Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
