oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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