which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
