I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
