so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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