I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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