Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
