Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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