I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
