i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
