True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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