sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
