I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
