She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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