on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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