Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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