and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
