I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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