So drunk its hurt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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