she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
