So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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