My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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