Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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