I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pants are for mortals
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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